The Stay Sexy Standard: Stop Shrinking. Start Living.

Ms. Amber O.
5 days ago
5 min read

There comes a point in life when you realize something:

You haven't exactly lost yourself.

But you may have gotten very, very good at putting yourself last.

You work.

You take care of people.

You pay the bills.

You make the appointments.

You remember birthdays.

You answer the texts.

You keep everybody's world moving.

And somewhere in the middle of all that living...

you can quietly stop participating in your own life.

That's what I want to change.

And it's the reason behind something you've probably heard me say a thousand times:

Stay sexy.

Staying Sexy Has Almost Nothing to Do With Looking Sexy

Don't get me wrong.

I love feeling sexy.

I love lipstick, beautiful clothes, great hair, photographs that make you think damn, that's me?

I believe sensuality matters.

I believe sexuality matters.

And I absolutely believe we are allowed to feel desirable at every damn age.

But the Stay Sexy Standard is bigger than any of that.

It's not a beauty standard.

It's a life standard.

To me, staying sexy means staying:

Strong. Curious. Confident. Adventurous. Connected. Playful. And completely, unapologetically you.

It means refusing to disappear from your own life just because you're getting older.

Somewhere Along the Way, We Start Shrinking

It's rarely one dramatic moment.

It happens quietly.

You stop wearing certain things because you wonder if you're "too old."

You stop taking pictures because you don't like your body.

You stop trying new things because you're afraid you'll look ridiculous.

You stop flirting.

You stop dreaming.

You stop asking yourself what you want.

You start telling yourself you'll do things when you lose the weight.

When life calms down.

When you have more money.

When you feel confident.

When you're ready.

And then years go by.

That's the part I don't want for myself.

And I don't want it for you either.

We can spend our entire lives getting ready to live them.

At some point, we have to go.

Stay Strong

I don't exercise because I'm trying to earn french fries.

Thank God, because I really like french fries.

I exercise because I want my body to carry me through the rest of my life.

I want to travel.

Walk through cities.

Carry my suitcase.

Dance.

Have sex.

Get myself off the floor.

Have adventures.

And maintain my independence for as long as humanly possible.

Our bodies change.

That's reality.

But instead of spending the next twenty years fighting the body we have because it isn't the body we had at 25, what if we started asking:

What do I want this body to be capable of?

Strong is sexy.

Stay Curious

One of the quickest ways to make your world smaller is to decide you already know who you are.

"I'm not that kind of person."

"I could never do that."

"That's not really me."

Maybe.

Or maybe you haven't met that version of yourself yet.

Take the class.

Read the book.

Go somewhere you've never been.

Try something you're terrible at.

Talk to someone different from you.

Change your mind.

Learn.

Ask questions.

You don't have to know exactly who you're becoming.

Stay curious enough to find out.

Stay Confident

Confidence isn't walking into a room believing everyone thinks you're fabulous.

It's walking into a room and realizing you don't need them to.

Wear the dress.

Wear the leather pants.

Wear the bikini.

Wear the flannel.

Wear whatever makes you stand differently when you put it on.

Say no.

Say yes.

Ask for what you want.

Have an opinion.

Take up space.

You don't need permission to become more of yourself.

Stay Playful

Adults get incredibly serious.

There are legitimate reasons for that.

Life can be heavy.

Jobs.

Money.

Relationships.

Parents getting older.

Kids growing up.

Bodies changing.

Loss.

Responsibilities.

Which is precisely why we need things that serve absolutely no purpose except making us happy.

Dance in the kitchen.

Take the ridiculous picture.

Go on the road trip.

Order dessert.

Flirt with your partner.

Laugh too loudly.

Wear the costume.

Sing badly.

Do something simply because it sounds fun.

Not everything has to make you healthier, richer, smarter or more productive.

Joy is reason enough.

Stay Connected to Your Sexuality

Sexy does not belong to young people.

Read that again.

Your body changes.

Hormones change.

Relationships change.

Desire changes.

What makes you feel attractive may change too.

So learn this version of yourself.

Sexy at 25 doesn't have to look like sexy at 45.

Sexy at 45 doesn't have to look like sexy at 60.

And thank God for that.

We're not supposed to spend the rest of our lives trying to recreate younger versions of ourselves.

Sexy can become more confident.

More interesting.

More comfortable.

More honest.

More playful.

More yours.

Sexiness isn't a look. It's a lifestyle.

Stay Adventurous

Adventure doesn't have to mean jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.

It can.

But I'll wave to you from the ground.

Adventure can also mean walking into the little bar you've driven past a hundred times.

Booking the trip.

Starting the business.

Taking the photograph.

Going to the concert.

Starting the podcast.

Changing your hair.

Trying the hobby.

Making the reservation.

Doing the thing you've been talking about doing someday.

Someday is a dangerous word.

Someday has stolen a lot of lives.

Stay You

This might be the most important part of the entire Stay Sexy Standard.

Life changes us.

Marriage changes us.

Parenthood changes us.

Careers change us.

Loss changes us.

Success changes us.

Failure changes us.

Getting older changes us.

Sometimes we get so good at becoming who everybody else needs that we forget to ask who we are now.

What do I like?

What do I want?

What makes me feel alive?

What am I curious about?

What am I finished with?

What do I want more of?

Not ten years ago.

Now.

And if you've reached a point where you don't quite feel like yourself anymore, maybe you don't need to find the old you.

Maybe she's done her job.

Maybe the woman you're looking for is ahead of you.

So, Here's Your Stay Sexy Challenge

Ask yourself:

Where have I been shrinking?

Don't overthink it.

You probably already know.

Your health?

Your confidence?

Your relationship?

Your sexuality?

Your creativity?

Your career?

Your friendships?

Your appearance?

Your dreams?

Your sense of adventure?

Then choose one thing you can do this week to take up a little more space in your own life.

One.

Not seventeen things and an entirely new morning routine beginning Monday.

One thing.

Lift the weight.

Put on the outfit.

Make the appointment.

Send the email.

Take the picture.

Buy the ticket.

Say no.

Say yes.

Go somewhere.

Start something.

Because reinvention doesn't always begin with blowing up your entire life.

Sometimes it starts with one quiet decision:

I'm not disappearing from my own life.

That's the Stay Sexy Standard.

We're not chasing youth.

We're not chasing perfection.

We're building lives we actually want to be awake for.

So get stronger.

Stay curious.

Laugh loudly.

Love deeply.

Try things.

Take up space.

Wear the damn thing.

Go somewhere.

And stop waiting until you're completely ready.

This is your life.

Be in it.

And always remember...